Again And Again
by tenth-lieutenant
Summary: THIS story use to be posted up on my Sister's account. Hopefully this thing'll get some reviews. Better summary inside. First she left, then one after another, each of them came to her, begging for her to come back, but her mind was made up...
1. Summary

_**Again And Again: Summary**_

First she left, then one after another, each of them came to her, begging for her to come back, but her mind was made up; Rangiku wouldn't come.

Though grief stricken by the horror she's being put through by Ichigo's hollow, Rukia remains lost with out Byakuya to help her through the hell.

Even torn between the two sides, Inoue can't choose to fight against for the right, or save her life by siding with the wrong.

Everyone is affected to the last measure of the stunts being pulled by Aizen and his "army."

No one can say he didn't warn them.

No one can say he didn't tell them exactly what he planned to do if the Soul Society didn't obey.

No one can say "I told you so."

But most of all, no one can say that the fiasco created was intentional, and that it would damned if it were to happen **again and again**

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	2. Prolouge: Loss

**A/N: REVIEW!!**

**WARNING: OOC/LANGUAGE/VIOLENCE/SEXUAL CONTENT/DEAD CHARACTERS FROM ANIME BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE ((*spoiler* Grimmjow, Ulqoirra, Luppi, Elfort(spelling??), ectra.))**

**RATED M lol-evil laughter-**

**I own nothing at all and there are two author's to this story ((chuckles darkly then coughs))**

**Yachiru X Kenpachi ((me)) and Tenth-Lieutenant ((my real life twin sister))**

**___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**Prolouge: Loss**

Toushirou Hitsugaya:

_She's slipped through my fingers,_

_Unaware of the hurt she has caused._

_She awaits him now,_

_Leaving with a taunting point to linger._

_She's slipped through my fingers,_

_Unaware of the hurt she has caused._

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_"You had to tell her...You just had to tell her."_

_"What? It's not gonna hurt anyone for her to know."_

_"Taichou."_

_He looked up from his dinner plate, noticing the anger that crossed her._

_She slowly stood, her chair scrapping back loudly as she leaned across the table until her nose barely touched his. "Who the," she began growling, the anger lathering each word like venom, "fuck do you think you are?! Huh?!"_

_Toushirou Hitsugaya leaned back in his chair, undeterred. "You're superior." he said flatly. "So don't point fingers at me, nor talk down on me or else, you will be removed from your rank."_

_She sat back, still standing. "Just another fuckin' reason to leave this shit hole!" she spat, slamming the napkin she had been holding the whole time, down._

_"Excuse me?" Toushirou remarked, raising his eyebrows. "'Shit hole'? 'Another reason to leave'?"_

_"You heard me!" She suddenly bellowed, outraged. "I'm tired of being treated like a fuckin' bitch! Who do you take me for anyways?! A maid of some sort?! Toushirou--Tai-- Whatever your god damn name is! I have had enough of you! You insolent brat!" She sneered the last sentence, hoping her point was given._

_His jade eyes widen slightly, then furrowed. "Matsumoto," he barked. "That's enough."_

_"Not it's not!" she continued. "I've got a load of shit for you!" She began to laugh sarcastically. "You think you can run my life, well think again! If you're such a prodigy,"_

_"Matsumoto," Toushirou interjected, "Please."_

_She ignored his protest._

_"You should know when I reach my breaking point! But you don't! Hell, you don't know anyones' breaking point! Not even Hinamori's!"_

_He slammed his cup of tea down. "Enough!" he barked._

_"No! I'm sick of you! I'm sick of the same routine! Get up, do paperwork, fight a hollow, more paperwork, eat, paperwork, another hollow-- it's getting old!! Why do you think I drink?! It's because of having no life! If you would've given me a break from anything, I might not be leaving!--"_

_"Matsumoto, you never do your paperwork anyways, so I don't see why you're complaining!" he bellowed. "And, what do you mean leaving?!"_

_"Los Noches, prick!"_

_He got to his feet. "What?!"_

_"Fuck you! Fuck the Soul Society! Fuck every god damn ass here! I'm leaving with Gin!--"_

_"Ichimaru?!"_

_"Oh don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about!"_

_Toushirou looked around, groping for words. He found only one, before the rest poured out. "NO! You-You-You can't just up and leave like this! You're--You're my lieutenant! You can't just leave--"_

_"Why not?! Gin sure as hell did! Aizen as well, along with that blind vigilante!"_

_"That doesn't mean you have too!" His voice wavered slightly._

_"Fine. Name me one good reason to why I should stay." She crossed her arms over her largely endowed bosoms tightly, her sky blue eyes smoldering into his frantic face._

_Toushirou kept sputtering, finally spitting out a well found answer. "You get to save lost souls!"_

_"I can do that on my own free will, and mighty dick! I don't need the Soul Society to save lost souls!"_

_"Just-Just don't go!" he sputtered._

_But as the words were uttered, a portal to the inner gates of Los Noches opened, Gin Ichimaru awaiting inside as his sly demon's Kitsune grin stretched even more over his pale face._

_"Aizen'll be proud of ya', Ran-chan."_

_Toushirou's eyes widened._

_"I've had it," Rangiku murmured, hand on her badge. "You no longer own me in any way..." Gripping the edge of the cloth, she removed her lieutenant badge from her waist._

_"C'mon now Ran-chan. We ain't got all day ta' waste wit' 'em."_

_She spun around to the shaggy white haired man that awaited her. "How 'bout life?" she noted._

_Gin began chuckling, taking her into his arms as the portal closed._

_Toushirou felt his knees buckle as his heart skipped multiple beats. To him this couldn't be happening, it just wasn't possible. Had he pushed her to far? Had she been planning this from the very day he was assigned to be her captain? Or was it just something else that drove her away?_

_Questions swarmed every inch of his mind. Yet...he couldn't answer any one of them..._


	3. Lost, Found, Then Lost Again

**Chapter One: Lost, Found, Then Lost Again**

Toushirou Hitsugaya:

_I saw her today,_

_But she didn't seem to notice me._

_She's been lost,_

_Found,_

_And lost again._

_I saw her today,_

_But she didn't seem to notice me._

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Momo Hinamori let out a loud groan.

"Now _this_ is what I call a _massage_!" There were a few grunts of agreement, seeing how it was hard to speak straight when someone was stepping on your aching back. But, none the less, there was agreement. "Hey, has anyone seen Matsumoto-Fukutaichou?"

"No," a woman called out, "I haven't seen her for a few weeks now."

"Hinamori-san?" another woman, eighth squad's fukutaichou Nanao Ise, called.

"Yes?"

"Pardon my rudeness but, what the hell is wrong with Hitsugaya-taichou?"

"I don't find that rude and, to be completely honest, I have no idea...Unless..." The woman stepping on her back retreated to the ground, just as Momo sat up on her elbows, keeping her cleavage covered. "Rangiku-san," she began, "...Shiro-chan...Shiro-chan's been moping around an awful lot now that you mention it. He's been muttering things like 'can't believe that she'd...' then he'd look at me and start yellin' at me and all. But, Rangiku-san's never around. Come to think of it, she hasn't been at any of the meetings lately, or the woman's association meeting's either. Something's wrong here. It doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't she..."

"Maybe she's in the Human World on a mssion?" Nanao suggested.

"Well, that is a possibility but, I highly doubt she is..."

"Do you think she could've betrayed the Soul Society?" Kiyone Kotetsu, co-third seat number one of thirteenth division asked, almost suggested.

"_Rangiku-San_ wouldn't even _dare_!" Momo snapped defensively.

"Sheesh Hinamori-Kun....it was just a statement." Kiyone remarked, picking up the cup of sake beside her, taking a sip.

"You shouldn't be drinking, Kyo-Chan..." a thick womanly, very familiar to be quite frank noted with a slight chuckle.

Gasps ruptured from the bellows of every woman's chest.

"Ran-Rangiku-san...Wha-Wha-What are you do-do-doing here?!" Momo finally manage to sputter after taking a long look at long wavy strawberry blonde haired motherly-like woman.

"Came for a spa treatment. Los Noches's spas' are all dried up, ya' know. I don't like sittin' in dirt to be precise." She sat down on the edge of Momo's "cot."

Rangiku looked around slowly at the faces, every last one...mouth agape like morons. "What? Too shocked to see me?" she taunted effectively, a new trick she learned from Gin.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?!" Nanao cried out after a moment of silence. Rangiku put her hand in behind her ear, cupping it slightly as if to say "Speak up, I didn't catch that." Nanao's blue eyes narrowed. She spoke louder than before. "Where the _hell _have you been?!!"

A grin much similar to Gin's stretched across the woman's face, sending an unexpected

chill down Nanao's back.

"Like I said, if you were listening, Los Noches doesn't have good spas'. So, I came here."

Isane Kotetsu, lieutenant of fourth division, took in the sight of someone who was well known by all.

"You're c-clothes..." she stammered quietly. Rangiku looked down at the white hakama and the yukata had a black sash, but what use to be the pink scarf she'd draped over her shoulders was tightly tied in a bow around her hips. The collar to the white-black interior-jacket was folded down neatly, sleeves rolled up to her wrists being that it was quite larger than she. "H-how?" Isane continued.

"This thing? A gift from Aizen-Dono."

"D-Dono? What?!" Kiyone interjected, confused just like everyone else.

"Ehh...? Word ain't got around yet?" Rangiku asked, "pretend shock" lathering her tone.

"What?" Nanao asked, exchanging glances with Isane, then Kiyone.

"Guess taichou never spoke up at that meeting then..." She smiled, getting to her feet. "Well, my job here is done. Lata', Shinigamis'."

The woman watched her walk out of the room like a husband or wife leaving their spouse.

Meanwhile, Toushirou solemnly did the paperwork, thoughts swarming inside the once peaceful-quick-thinking mind. The shock, pain, hurt-all of it was still fresh. He couldn't bear it.

"Need help Shorties?" a woman's voice filtered into his office. His head snapped up from the work that laid beneath his nose.

"Matsu..." His voice trailed as he took in the sight of her. _She's changed_, he thought, _she's not the Matsumoto I know...she's not..._

Tears lept to his eyes.

_She's not..._

_Not my..._

A tear rolled down his cheek.

"Matsumoto..." he croaked, feeling the hot tears sting harder. He felt his insides twist up painfully, shattering his pride and joy. "Doushite? (Why?)"

"Taichou, call me Rangiku 'kay? 'Matsumoto' is...my lieutenant name I guess." she smirked. She stepped up to the desk, slipping one of the sheets Toushirou was working on, out from under his arm. "Gin says 'Hi' by the way..."

"I shouldn't deserve to be called 'Taichou'..." Toushirou mused sadly.

Her eyes flickered over the page, ignoring his statement. "Forty-five percent."

Toushirou blinked before realizing she was talking about how much money was used towards the damage done in South Rukongai.

"How'd you know?" He asked quietly as he wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands, childishly. He may have an adults attitude, but he still was a child.

" 'Cause I caused it." She grinned. His mouth fell open. "I'm joking."

"Oh."

"Actually it was only twenty-five percent." She watched his mouth drop back open, then laughed warmly at his reaction. "I should leave before anyone realizes I'm in here, Taichou; I mean, Toushirou."

Setting the piece of paper down, she stood. "Goodbye," she said gently, patting his spiked back snow white hair covered head. "I hope to see you again."

With this being said, a portal opened in Los Noches. Stepping backwards through it, she waved, and turned her back as it shut.

Before the portal closed completely, she heard a small mumbled, "...Please don't leave me alone..."

Shaking her head, she sighed.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


	4. Etched, Burned, And Etched Again

**Chapter Two: Etched, Burned, And Etched Again**

Rukia Kuchiki:

_His voice is etched into my mind,_

_Carving it's fear into me._

_His eyes burn holes into my soul,_

_Hugging my heart with remorse._

_He isn't Him._

_He's someone else._

_His voice is etched into my mind,_

_Carving it's fear into me._

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_I hated his voice...I hated __**him **__in general...I hated Ogichi._

"Kuchiki!" Mrs. Valentine snapped. ((Teacher pronounces "Kuchiki" as "Coo-Cha-Key" when it's actually prononced "Coo-cheek-key" Damn teacher.))

Rukia Kuchiki jumped in her seat, startled, with a high yelp. Some of her fellow classmates laughed. Her face began to burn with embarrassment. Lately, Ichigo's Hollow-self has been, without letup, on her mind. To be honest, admitting this to herself, it was killing her. Her emotional energy has been drained from the consistent nightmares. Take for example the one she had last night; the one in which still lingered in her mind as Mrs. Valentine continued to screech at her for not paying attention, and supposively, dozing off in class.

**((Flashback))**

_Her breath caught in her throat as she stared Ogichi in the black scaleras', yellow colored orbs, black pupiled eyes that shouted hate. His hand was embedded around her esophagus, slightly digging into her skin, pulling her up off the ground until she was more than eye level with him. They say if you turn around and face your fears, you'll get over them...but she couldn't. Not this one...not ever._

_He wasn't a fear. He was a life, damned to hurt her, damned to love her, damned to be himself._

_She clamped her deep violet eyes shut, gripping his arm. "...Please," she croaked, "...Let me go..."_

_"Why should, hun? King don't know what I'm doin', and what King don't know won't kill him in the least bit." he sneered but, loosened his grip._

_Tears brimmed even more, her voice a high screech, "I WANT ICHIGO BACK DAMNIT!!"_

_"Too __**fuckin' **__bad!" Ogichi boomed, throwing the four foot eight inch woman at the charcoal black colored wall. "He ain't gonna be back for a long, __**long **__time."_

_Rukia's shoulder crashed against the wall with a sickly, wet snapping like crush. She howled out in pain, clutching her shoulder._

_"Will you shut the hell up, bitch?!" Ogichi roared, stomping on her back, the pressure snapping a few ribs._

_She sobbed slightly, screaming out in pain as his large hand clawed against her scalp as he took a fistful of jet black, shoulder length hair into his grasp. Her hands clawed at his mercilessly, drawing a large amount of blood. He didn't seem to realize until it was oozing down his arm, nearly encasing it._

_"What are you doin'?" he laughed. "Tryin' ta' claw me ta' death?" He howled out in laughter as she whimpered._

_Sobbing, she croaked, "Please...Please let Ichigo back out...I want to see him...Please!!"_

_He leaned his face in, until his lips barely touched hers. "You're lookin' at 'im," he murmured._

_Her eyes widened slightly, her body tensing, then, as if everything in her broke, her body relaxed. Her hands fell to her sides limp, her eyes looking at the ground below her, and her heart sank._

_"What if I am staring at Ichigo?" her own voice told the woman hanging by her hair, "What if Ogichi has taken over completely? What if I never hear Ichigo's true voice say my name again? What if I never hear him say those three small but powerful words? What if...What if this is the life I have to live for all of eternity?..."_

_Her fingers twitched slightly, her skin crawling at his maggot like voice._

_"I __**hate **__you, Kuchiki Rukia..."_

**((End))**

Mrs. Valentine slapped her hands against her thighs, and looked at her. "Why are you crying?!" she demanded. "There's no need for you to--"

"Stop," Rukia snapped, her voice trembling just as much as her body. "Just stop! I'm not crying because of you yelling at me! I'm crying because..."

Kids stared at her. Mrs. Valentine glowered with her hands on her hips.

"Because why?" Mrs. Valentine asked.

"Because..." Rukia croaked, "I'm scared."

Kids began laughing.

"Why are you scared?"

"...You wouldn't understand..." She kept her head down, not wanting to look up, in fear of seeing _him_.

Mrs. Valentine sighed. "Why wouldn't I understand, hmm?"

"...You just wouldn't..." she mumbled.

"Pardon?"

Her head rose as tears slipped like rivers down her cheeks. "You just wouldn't!!" she hollered shakily, the room growing deathly silent. "You just wouldn't..." she sobbed, placing her head in her hands.

"Rukia...Is it because of him?" a soft male voice asked, a hand placed on her middle back.

Her head snapped up, and out of her hands, over towards the voice with a small gasp. She found warm brown eyes peering down on her, a concerned look crossing the man's face.

"I-Ichigo!" she stammered shakily.

"It is isn't it?" Ichigo Kurosaki ((the man we know well)) asked softly. Rukia nodded fervently. "Shit..."

Mrs. Valentine's eyes widened at the profanity. "What did you say?!" she demanded.

"Keep your mouth shut woman!" Ichigo barked at her.

Rukia flinched, cowering in a trembled fear.

"Do _not _raise your voice at me, young man!" Mrs. Valentine remarked angrily.

Ichigo's head snapped up again once more. "Woman. Keep you goddamn mouth shut, you hear?!"

"Ichigo, please..." Rukia whispered.

Her chest grew tight as his eyes were set on her. "Ichigo!" she gasped in fear.

"What?" he questioned curiously.

"Your eyes!" Shoving herself away quickly, she stood, taking one small step back.

"What about them?" he asked. She didn't answer. "Rukia," he said slowly, "What about my eyes--"

"They're _his_..."she nearly whispered.

"Rukia...don't panic." Ichigo spoke softly. As he said these words to Rukia, the maggots crawled over his voice box. "For the love of God, Rukia, please do _not panic_."

She took another step back, watching the tip of his spikey orange hair grow white ever so slowly. To Ichigo, he knew what was about to happpen, and knew there was nothing he could do to stop Ogichi from coming out.

"Rukia," his voice shook. He swallowed hard. "I love you."


	5. Pull, Push, And Then Pull Again

**Chapter Three: Pull, Push, And Then Pull Again**

Rukia Kuchiki:

_His claws pull at my flesh,_

_Ripping, and tearing at it._

_His hands push me away,_

_Into the caged wall that is Hell itself._

_He's hurting me._

_He's enjoying my pain._

_He loves my screams._

_His claws pull at my flesh,_

_Ripping, and tearing at it._

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Her eyes widened with tears. "Ichigo..." she breathed, "...Don't let him hurt me..."

"I won't," he said, but the regret and doubt of those words lingered within him. "...Rukia..."

With her name said, his hair seeped white within a second, and within that second, no one spoke, but instead, everyone held their breath.

"Hello...Rukia-Chan." Ogichi Ikasoruk sneered.

"...No..."

He stepped forward, Rukia backing away. She stepped on the student's, in behind her, foot, stumbled away into another, and moved into the small clearing of the room, doing all this in fear. Ogichi walked down the aisle, to the front of the classroom, where she now stood, his shoulders swaying.

"S-stay away!" Rukia stammered, her voice shaking.

"Why? I love being near you..." he murmured, placing his hands above her shoulders, palms pressed against the cold black board. Rukia diverted her head sideways, clamping her eyes shut. Ogichi took advantage of her move, and placed his lips against her ear. "Bad move," he hissed, "but do me a favor, and be a good girl, and come with me, okay?"

"...N...No..." she stammered quietly, keeping her eyes shut.

His hand slipped to her wrist, gripped it tightly, and he dug his nails in her skin, and kept them there even though blood was seeping from the marks.

"What was that? I didn't hear ya'."

"...N...No!..." she said slightly louder. Tears welled up behind her clamped eyes. Sobbing for a moment, she repeated herself, but murmured the words.

"Rukia-Chan. Let me remind you of who I am, 'kay?"

He spun her around, put a hand at the back of her head...

"I'm Ogichi Ikasoruk, ay' _bitch_!!"

...And slammed it against the black board, knocking her out cold.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rukia moaned softly, trying to sit up. Bruises covered her arms, legs, stomach--everywhere. The intense pain shot her back down.

"Oh, you're awake..." At first the male voice sounded like Ogichi's but, Rukia realized it was Ichigo's, Ichigo's loving soft spoken voice.

She rolled her head over, eyes partly open. "...Ichigo..." she breathed.

He got up swiftly, picking her hand up between his.

"I'm so sorry, Rukia..." he whispered. "I'm so sorry..."

With this being said, he kissed her hand softly, and leaned his head against it.

"...Ichigo..."

"...I'm so sorry...I shouldn't have...He...I won't be able...I'm sorry..."

"Ichigo, you're not making any sense..." Rukia said rasply.

"I shouldn't have let him out," he growled, dropping her hand, "I won't be able to forgive myself...I can't..."

"Ichi..." her voice trailed off. Ichigo could almost hear the little click in her head. Rukia remained silent for a while, absorbing what she had just been "told". "...Ichigo..." she breathed quietly, "...Come here..."

He sat down on his rear, and crossed his legs. "What?"

She reached a hand up, watching it wobble as she stretched it towards him. Gripping the collar of his shirt, she pulled him down until she could whisper in his ear.

"You...You sick twisted son of a _bitch_," she hissed darkly, "How could you?!"

He sat back, her hand falling to the ground. "I--"

"How could you?!" she shouted, "How?! How could you let Him do this to me?! I never did anything wrong!--" She winced in pain, gasping.

"Rukia?"

Her eyes grew wide with pain.

"Rukia?"

They slowly closed, with a slight roll, and she fell unconscious.

"Rukia, Rukia, Rukia...!!" Ichigo's screams of her name were the last thing she heard.


	6. Run, Work, Then Run Again

**Chapter Four: Run, Work, Then Run Again**

Hanatarou Yamada:

_They're running me into the ground,_

_Making me work my fingers to the bone._

_They're chasing me,_

_And laughing like drunken men should._

_It's horrifying for a child to be his subordinate,_

_let alone, know him._

_It's wrong to do this to me,_

_And by God I swear,_

_Every last one of them will regret_

_Ever laying a finger on me._

_They're running me into the ground,_

_Making me work my fingers to the bone._

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Look at him..."

"He's such a freak..."

"Why is he even alive again?"

"To scare us!"

Hanatarou Yamada walked through the halls of his school, James Woods Academy, in coincidence, the same school Rukia, and the Soul Society members were all going to. Through the years, Hanatarou had grown quite a bit from his small lean five foot exact softy to the mescalin six foot two inch cold heart man that he now walked as. His gray blue eyes stared straight ahead as the two foot radius around him followed him down the hall like a dark shadow. The looks casted his way would usually, for his smaller self, make him tremble, and cower in fear; but not now. Not when his head was held high, disgusted with the men and women around him.

Walking towards his classroom, he held his books at his side, the pair of cargo noir black and purple jeans making a clinking noise due to the not-so-many chains attached. To be precise, he was wearing "noir black and purple strap and chain zip-off Tripp's", a pair of black on white Chucks, and a Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon fan t-shirt. To all, he struck delinquent, monster, freak--you name it. To him, he was a well heart troubled man.

"Go to hell," a jock-captain of the football team-sneered.

Hanatarou didn't look at him, but instead, just stood still. The hall grew quiet to where if a pen dropped, it would echo. He turned his head slowly, casting his narrowed eyes upon the man. Then, just simply walked off, his foot steps that of an official of the Soviet army echoing throughout the halls. Kids just watched. Some, almost all, were glaring, jeering, hating him. He just moved through the hall with ease, and upon reaching his grade-senior-hall, everything was still and silent as if to say, "We knew you were coming."

"Fuckin' freak..." a woman sneered.

He kept walking. Annabella Scottsdale was on his mind, but moreover, Isane Kotetsu was. He was just worried about how Annabella was holding up on coming to found out that, her father has custody of her.

**((Oh, reader, I think I forgot to mention this: Annabella Luann Scottsdale is the principal, Violet Jane Akermen's daughter. Both of these woman are made up characters that play some roles in the fanfictions that will be posted, or already posted. Some other characters that are made up are: Harumi Hirou Hideki, Kessho Youma, Daiski Kitsune Youma (not related to Kessho, older sister of Harumi though), Matsudai Kurushimeru, Rick (Violet's ex-husband), and the other siblings of Annabella. Some others come along the way.))**

She was the only person who was keeping him sane, where as everyone else was driving him _in_sane. And she, of course, was keeping his mind and peace at bay. Though he's taken a vow not to speak, seeing that his words mean nothing to anyone, he's done his best to comunicate through body gestires, sign language, note pads, and even Morse code. Hanatarou was eventually going to snap, and the poem that Byakuya Kuchiki wrote the day he found him in behind fourth divisions barracks crying, was the day he made his vow to never speak again.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_"They lie motionless at our feet,_

_gasping for air in agony._

_**You cross your arms, **_

_**hugging yourself for comfort.**_

**What have you done?**

_They hold their stomachs in outcry,_

_wanting the pain to stop._

_**You grip the sides of your head in frustration,**_

_**the torment building within.**_

**What have you done?**

_We who have caused them pain_

_look between each other, confused._

_**We who are the suffering**_

_**look up at the cause and clamp our eyes shut with our tears.**_

**What have we done?**

_We the cause,_

_**We the effect,**_

_Are the pain,_

_**The agony of the heart,**_

_The torment within ourselves,_

_**The ones who want out,**_

_**Who scream for savor.**_

_The ones who laugh_

_at our own confusion._

**What have we done?"**

**­­­­­­­­­­­­­­___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

That indeed was the poem. Hanatarou could clearly recite it with no effort. It always lingered in back of his mind, reminding him of who he really was...a troubled Soul. Zaraki-Taichou couldn't have said it any better...

_"They're all the same! Every last one of them! They're __**weak**__!" The Eleventh Division's Taichou bellowed, outraged._

_"But Taichou! The fourth division is __**stronger **__than our own! They risk their own lives to save ours!" Yumichika Ayesagawa, fifth seat, shot back defensively._

_"'Stronger' my ass! Those little shits ain't worth nothin'! They are all nothing but, fuckin' pieces of shit that get in our way! That's all they'll ever be! So, don't ever tell me that they're strong! They ain't! Got it?!"_

_Yumichika nodded once._

_"I said, __**Got it**__?!" the six foot seven and a half inch, broad shouldered man barked._

_"Yes, sir."_

_Yachiru Kusajishi, fukutaichou, shook her head ashamed. "What a pity," she growled walking out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Surprisingly though, it didn't snap off it's hinges._

Hanatarou was down the hall, handing the mail out when all this had happened. He was offended, but then again, that's Zaraki-Taichou's way of thinking. He's always saying Fourth Division shouldn't exist and that all the fourth divisioners were weak. He did seem to have a point. Fourth divisioners were weak in strength, but "strong" in Kidou, the eleventh division's weak point. Hanatarou shook the mans words out of his head, and continued on walking into his classroom. At first it was noisy, but as soon as he stepped in it grew quiet. The bell ranged as he took his seat, everyone who had been watching him in the halls rushed to their classes.

"Now, this is what I call quiet," Mrs. West said as she stepped through. "But I've got a question, why you all so deathly?" She looked up from her clipboard as all eyes fell on Hanatarou. He just glared at her. "Oh...I can understand why," she said with a nervous laugh, then cleared her throat. "Um...For today we'll be learning about..." She rambled on but, by the time it was ten-forty-five a bang on the other side of the wall caused her voice to trail off. She looked back at the black board.

"I'm Ogichi Ikasoruk, ay' _bitch_!!" a male maggoty voice boomed.

"What the heck?" West muttered. She walked out of the classroom and came back, face blood drained. "Holy shit," she gaped. "Who the hell was that?"

Students snickered and giggled a bit. Hanatarou, however, simply rolled his eyes. It was pathetic how students acted like this whenever they hear a teacher cuss. Yes, it's shocking to think teachers would cuss, but, they're just like everyone else. Hanatarou sighed resting his head on his folded hands, pondering over the recent months throughout the years.

­­­­­­­­­­­___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**((Flashback's))**

_**January Year 1**_

_"Gone!" Isane declared. Hanatarou blinked, soaking in the material. "Matsumoto-san is just gone!!" she screeched._

_"Enough, Kotetsu-fukutaichou." a motherly voice, that belonged to Retsu Unohana, the captain, said quietly. "She's gone, and that is that."_

_"I know..." Isane sobbed. "But every thing's gonna go downhill faster because she's done left...I just know it...Hell! Hanatarou hasn't spoken in three months! Hitsugaya-Taichou's depressed, Hinamori-fukutaichou is worried and--and--and I don't like it! Okay?! I just don't!!"_

_"Yamada-Kun, say something..." Unohana said, casting her warm blue eyes over him._

_He looked to the ground, shook his head, and kept his eyes on his feet._

_"Please..." she said, "Just one sentence is all we're asking..."_

_Lifting his head up, his eyes moist he said this: "My words have no meaning...Do not ask again..." Turning his back, he left._

_**February Year 2**_

_"Seventh seat Hanatarou Yamada!!' a female voice called out._

_Looking over his shoulder, a crate of mail in his arms, he found Isane running towards him, a worried expression._

_He faced her, a bleak look crossing him._

_"You're assistance is needed immediately!!"_

_He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it._

_Stopping in front of him, Isane gasped for air. "Uno...hana...taichou...would...like to...see you...in her office," she sputtered. "She said something about...probation?"_

_His face hardened over._

_"She said that...there was an accident that caused you to be on probation, and it concerned her of what it might have been, being that she hasn't heard of such a thing," she explained quickly._

_Hanatarou closed his eyes, shook his head, and went about his business, Isane following after him, making multiple attempts to get him back to Unohana's office. "Hanatarou," she began for the last time sternly, "Unohana-taichou--"_

_Whirling around, he dropped the crate. "I know!" he bellowed angrily, "Unohana needs to see me because she doesn't know why I'm on probation!! So stop pestering me about it!! Let me finish my damn job!!"_

_Hurt flickered over Isane's face._

_Jerking up the crate, Hanatarou stalked to the last door of thirteenth division, banged his fist twice, and stood back. It swung open quietly, and the mail was received. Walking past Isane, he threw the crate to the ground muttering something about hating his position._

_"Why are you on probation?" Unohana asked as he took a seat._

_Pulling out a note pad, he scrawled: "For 'insulting' the General."_

_"How'd..."_

_"I just did." he continued, "Doesn't matter what I said or did, but my punishment is probation, and until I'm off probation, any screw ups, and I'm out of the squad...__**For good**__."_

_"But..."_

_He slid the pad in front of her, and stood. "Do not ask again. And a 'word' of 'advice', keep Isane away from me. She's starting to piss me off."_

_Unohana gasped, and looked up. "Hana--"_

_The door clicked shut._

**((End))**


	7. Laugh, Sneer, And Laugh Again

**Chapter Five: Laugh, Sneer, And Laugh Again**

Hanatarou Yamada:

_Laugh all you want,_

_Then sneer for the world._

_For the sake of your reputation you do this._

_You all love the humiliation of others,_

_The moment they shed a tear,_

_The moment you've wanted to see._

_But let me warn you,_

_That laugh,_

_That sneer won't last long._

_Laugh all you want,_

_Then sneer for the world._

**___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

_And here it is, year three that Matsumoto's been gone, my second year of vowed silence..._Hanatarou thought as he walked out of the cafeteria line.

"No I'm serious, the guy hasn't spoken for two years now..."

Hanatarou was always 'the talk of the school' at lunch. He'd always hear something about him when he walked by the table, either negative, or postive. Mostly negative though.

"I heard he killed a guy," One student remarked.

"You're lying!" Their friend exclaimed.

"No, I'm serious..."

He kept walking, going by Momo's table.

"Rangiku-san hasn't come back yet, last time we saw her was at the spa three years ago..." Momo stated sadly.

"Hianmori-kun," Toushirou began.

"Yes Shirou-chan?"

"Supreme-Commander declared she was either A) Betrayed the Soul Society, or B) Dead. Do you think she could be...you know...dead?"

Hanatarou sat down, nodding at them.

"Yamada;" Toushirou greeted. "I'm mean Ichimaru could've--"

"Shirou-chan, Rangiku-san's not dead!" Momo spat. "An' I don't want you to think she is, got it?"

Toushirou nodded meekly. Hanatarou picked at his food.

_No fair_, he thought, _Rangiku left on her own free will...I'm __**still **__on probation for no apparent reason, and I'm doing everyones' dirty work...Maybe I should quit...Then again...I wouldn't have the guts to...Damn..._

"Somethin' botherin' you, Hanatarou?" Touchirou asked.

He shook his head no. _Nothing_. he wanted to say, _Nothing a man like you should worry about._

"You sure?"

Hanatarou's grip on his fork tighten. _Nothing_, his mind growled as he nodded stiffly.

"Hey, Hanatarou!" a male sneering voice called from behind. He looked over his shoulder, finding, once more, a jock of the football team in a letter-men's jacket. He looked back at his food. "Catch!"

A moment later a platter of food washed over the back of his head. The world fell into silence for a moment, then laughed. Picking the food from his hair, he kept a straight face. Even Toushirou couldn't help but laugh, sputtering out "sorrys" that he shouldn't be laughing.

His heart sanked at the laughter, his blood began to boil, and he felt an unbarable feeling of hatred. Getting every last peice of food out, he stood.

Looking at the kid, his eyes smoldering, he jabbed his finger at the kid. "Who the fuck do you think you are?!" he roared.

Once more, the world grew silent, a deathly silence. This was his voice. This was the man he had become. This was Hanatarou Yamada.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?!" Hanatarou hollered. "You think I'm an easy target for your games, don't cha?!" He looked at everyone. "Every last one of your sorry asses thinks I'm a fuckin' freak because I don't speak! And this is exactly why!! I don't speak because my words have no meaning! Whatever I say goes in one ear and out the other of your thick stubborn heads!! Ain't none of ya' know me! You don't know what I've seen, what I've done, what I've said--You just don't know me!!"

Someone snickered.

Then they, the horrid world, was laughing again.

He looked at the faces, watching some double over in laughter. He started shaking his head.

"Hanatarou," a soft female voice said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Whirling around, his fist connected with the right jaw of Isane Kotetsu.

She fell back, unconcious, with blood running down her chin.

He didn't speak, and the world kept laughing.


	8. Hold, Shoved, And Then Hold Again

**Chapter Six: Hold, Shoved, And Then Hold Again**

Rangiku Matsumoto:

_His arms are around me,_

_Holding me from my fears._

_Her head is tilted back_

_In a howl of laughter,_

_Shoving the fear towards me._

_The kids around me join her,_

_And he does his best not to show_

_That one deathly feeling._

_His arms are around me,_

_Holding me from my fears._

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_**((Flashback))**_

_**September 29**_

_"Gi~n!" She called out, scanning the barren desert-like Seventy-Fifth North Rukongai "Kiga no Tamashii no" (Starvation of the Souls) in search of him. "Gi~n!!" she shouted more loudly, her voice shaking slightly. "Gin, where are you?!!"_

_"Right 'ere," the boy answered from behind._

_Whirling around, the young Rangiku Matsumoto gasped. "Gin!" she exclaimed throwing her arms around him, "Where did you go?"_

_"I thought I told ya' not ta' worry 'bout me," Gin chided her. There was blood on his yukata, some splotted on his pale face, and some covering his hakama. "I told ya before: I'd always come back."_

_"I'm sorry, Gin...it's just I don't wanna be left alone again," the girl confessed._

_"...Well, then...Guess ya' betta eat then," Gin said, ignoring her confession, holding a small bag of dead cockroaches out._

_The blood drained from her face. "...Not...those...again..." she said slowly._

_"Ya' gonna have to eat 'em or else, ya' be left all alone for good," Gin told her._

_"But...I'm--I'm not hungry," she said firmly. She wasn't fooling anyone. Her stomach gave her away with a loud growl._

_"Lia'," Gin said._

_"I'm not hungry!" Her stomach growled again._

_"Ran-chan..." his voice softened, but still held that mocking tone. "Ya' gonna die if ya' don' eat it." he reminded her._

_"I'll just go hungry then," she stated, being stubborn._

_"Ran-chan!" the boy barked, his mocking grin disappearing for a moment, then stretching back over as if it never left. "Eat or die," he said in a very soft voice._

_He sat down beside her, wrapping an arm around her frail shoulders._

_"Please," he persuaded, kissing her cheek. "For me."_

_With that said and done, she clamped her eyes shut, and opened her mouth. A moment later, one of the horrid bugs was in her mouth, and with that, she began chewing, gagging. Gin's hand was over her mouth, saying, "No, don' cha puke dat up. Swallow it." Tears sprung to her eyes as she swallowed both vomit, and the cockroach down. She started crying as she ate another, repeating the same course as to the chew, almost vomit, swallow it all._

**((End, A/N[tenth]: After doing some reasearch, I decided to assume where Rangiku and Gin grew up at, thus giving it a fictional name. I think it suits...Still have no clue as to if they lived in Sevety-fifth North. [yachiru] yeah...probably seventy-fifth))**

**___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

"Get that thing outta my mouth!" Rangiku screamed, slamming herself up. Some students stopped their conditioning to stare. It was February of year three that she had betrayed the Soul Society, the same February that Hanatarou was still on probation, and humiliated in front of the "world." Rangiku looked around, trying to figure out where she was.

_Gym_, she thought relieved,_ I'm in gym class..._

"Why ya' sleepin'?" a male voice asked gently. "Ya' startled me when ya' woke up."

Looking next to her, Rangiku found Gin crouched down, his hands dangling over his knees. "Gin," she breathed, "What are you doin' in my gym class?"

Kids began laughing, some saying, "Damn, she is a blond."

" 'Ey mixed the classes today," he answered.

"Why?"

"Don' know. Guess 'cause of sport' team or somet'in'...Or mayb' 'cause of the fitness test'..."

"Oh...", she swung her legs over the bleacher, standing up, "Makes sense."

"Hey," a preppy cheerleader who despised Rangiku, called out to her. "You got a roach on your shirt!"

Looking down with a high scream, she smacked the bug off frantically, of in which there was none.

Breaking into tears, kids began to laugh at her.

Gin's arms embraced her trembling body, soothing her, doing his best to hide (for the first time) the anger.

Swooping her feet from beneath her, Gin's voice cracked with anger. "It's alright, Ran-chan. Ain't nothin' gonna hurt ya'. It's...O..Kay." His eyes flying open, narrowing almost immediately, the red orbs glared over everyone. "Ya' all wanna laugh don' cha?! What if it was ya' self?! Would ya' be laughin' then?!" He sat his eyes on Christy. "You are one sick twisted woman."

They grew quiet, and the only sound made was Rangiku's muffled crying.

"Haha, Chichi!" a small female voice exclaimed, her footsteps echoing as she ran towards them, every now and then stumbling. "Haha, Chichi!!" she wailed.

Gin closed his eyes, his mocking grin stretching over his face. He sat Rangiku gently on the floor, and turned towards the child. Embracing the three foot Harumi Hirou Hideki, he patted her back gently.

"Comfort her while I blow some steam, kay?" he said. The child looked at Rangiku, and rushed over to her, falling to her knees as her arms were thrown around her neck.

"Haha," she said hoarsely, "What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing, Haru-chan," Rangiku grunted, holding tears back. She hated crying in front of Harumi. "Mommy's okay," she reassured the child, wiping her eyes.

Looking up, Rangiku found Gin's back as he walked away briskly. She watched him pause at Christy Scottsdale, his mouth at her ear. Rangiku knew he was hissing something rather vile to Christy by the way her sea blue eyes grew wide, by the way tears sprung to them, and by the fear stricken look. Looking at Gin, Rangiku also saw this: An evil wide grin that revealed pearl white sharp canine teeth.

"Hang in there, Chirsty-chan," he called over his shoulder, walking out of the gym.

The woman slumped to the ground in a faint.

_Where are you going now?_ Rangiku thought sadly.

"Haha?" Harumi's childish voice broke through the silence.

"What?" Rangiku whispered, looking into Harumi's big curious Panda-like emerald eyes.

"Um...You remember Daiski Kitsune Youma, my sister, right?"

"Yeah...What about her?"

"Well...She's here..." Harumi said quietly, "But..." Her voice trailed for a moment, then picked back up, quickly saying, "But she isn't the same..."

"What do you mean, 'not the same'?" Rangiku asked.

_Does she mean, like her father not the same? Or appearance wise?_

"She's, um..." Harumi stretched forward, cupped her hand at Rangiku's ear, and whispered, "She looks like a human fox, and she's, well, different."

"Oh..." was all Rangiku managed to say. Harumi sat back, a worried expression. Rangiku could feel her eyes puff up. "Well, it's great she's here, though."

Harumi nodded.

Rangiku sighed, and got to her feet. _I can't just sit here like this, _she told herself_, It was just a joke...Nothing big..._

She took hold of Harumi's hand, and looked at the people around her. The coach just stared like everyone else as she walked, smirking when she stepped over the unconscious Christy. _Serves ya' right._

Something was breaking...Her heart maybe? She couldn't tell anymore. Gin had been with her through thick and thin but, when watching him walk away...It felt as if he had never been there at all, like his existence was erasing itself from her heart. She wanted his existence there. She needed it there. She needed him to live on as herself, not a fake-smiling-Rangiku...but, as she's told herself so many times: "Gin's always causing me so much emotional pain, but then again, he's always here...Somewhere..."

Walking out of the gym, she saw a very fimilar face that she hadn't seen for three years.

"Hit--Hitsugaya?" she asked curiously.

The man looked her way, his jade eyes lost in a solemn expression.


End file.
